A waywards guide to DTR


I thought since this recently happened to me and is the most popular topic around my circle of friends (both girls and guys); DTR “Defining The Relationship” seems to be the most frustrating topic that both genders are experiencing in the early stages of a relationship.

For both guys and girls this can be quite an awkward stage when you have been with someone for awhile. Not to get to tricky, but my definition of being with someone is you either, hang out a lot with them, speak to them regularly, are affectionate with each other (kissing, hugging and sleeping with one another) and that you have been doing this for a period of time. Oh and of course that this person is the only person you have been doing those interaction with.

Now I thought I would break this down one step further, why do we need to define a relationship? Well from my experience it can save you from a lot of embarrassing scenarios, i.e. when friends ask you if they are your partner/bf/gf and all you can give them is “oh we are sleeping together” or “we are seeing each other but we are not dating”. Believe me when I say this but it does wear thin after awhile and having the kind of uncertainty will in the end will drive anyone a bit banana’s.

A DTR appears when either one party is unsure about how each other feels about the relationship and are unsure where to head from it. It is important to have some kind of direction with someone, because at the end of the day you can avoid unnecessary events by being clear and that just means you can get on with your life. Think of it as forward planning, without any lose ends.


So you have reached that point that you realised that you need to define the relationship, so now what?


Here are some suggestions about breaching the topic that you can use,

  • Slip it into conversation about other friends relationships, maybe use “oh they are just a great couple,are we a great couple?”
  • Be straight forward and ask “are we an item?”
  • Go the other direction and make a comment about how its nice being friends and see if they turn around and go “I thought it was more than that?” (pre-warning, you have to be sure with yourself in case they might actually feel it is a more of a casual thing)
  • Ask them out “will you be my girl/boyfriend” you could use starters like, I really enjoy hanging out with you or you make me happy to get the ball rolling.

These are only small ideas on the whole scale of things, but if you have been in a similar situation I would love to hear your feedback. Was it good? bad or indifferent?

Much love and happiness



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